Sunday Morning Stress Reliever

If you’ve ever shopped at IKEA and had to assemble their cost-effective furniture, you’ll understand the frustration this poor Jihadist experienced building a dirty bomb. From Banana-Slug.

AREA TERRORIST FLUMMOXED BY IKEA BUILD IT YOURSELF DIRTY BOMB

A would be local terrorist was so confused by the assemble it yourself dirty bomb kit he purchased at his local IKEA that he gave up plans to, as he put it, “bring the Great Satan to her knees.”

After 13 hours of trying to assemble the bomb, which came in 16 flat stacked boxes weighing a total of 317 pounds, the terrorist finally admitted defeat late Sunday night.

“All of the pieces were certainly there. IKEA has amazing quality control,” noted the failed terrorist, “and I attempted to follow the damned directions ---but they were just pictures and after about 30 pages or so they all started to look alike.


“As Allah is my witness I could not tell what the little man in step 406 was doing with that short piece of metal or why it had not been put in place in step 113.

“I am a defeated man.”

The instruction manual, a diagram rich 864 page opus, shows entirely through pictures how to assemble the warhead. No text is included, but the 2365 steps clearly detail how to assemble the staggering 4,500 plus piece bomb.

The former death merchant made it only to step 411 before giving up.

After calling the store help line and speaking to 7 different people, he decided to just quit while he still had his sanity.

The partially assembled bomb now sits in his basement, next to an unused piece of home exercise equipment he purchased from QVC.

“Certainly I thought this dirty bomb was a tremendous value for only $399.88, but it is only of use to me if I can assemble the thing.

“I knew I should have gone with a full service bomb maker.”

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