“A Fatwa For You”

Tired of all those fatwas spewed from proclaimed and self-proclaimed imams? Are you even fatwa-worthy? After all, there’s no central authority in Islam. Are you confused by dueling fatwas? Any self-deluded Muslim can step up to the microphone and declare a fatwa on – well, anyone or anything he pleases. Sorry, there are no female imams so the ‘he’ in this case is politically correct.

Now you can get in on the fatwa craze with A Fatwa For You.

Choose from a wide selection of fatwas in the categories of Office, Traffic, Sports, Politics and Fashion. Just answer a few questions from their drop down menu and – Voila! – instant fatwa for you and your friends to enjoy.

Here’s mine on Jimmy Carter.

In the name of Martin Luther King, the Proud, the Remorseful. All Honour and Gratitude will come to Martin Luther King, blessed are the Disciples of Martin Luther King. To Jimmy Carter, Satan’s Crusader, Flatulent Parrot of Blemished Genealogy, I say this:

By foolishly ignoring corruption etiquettes and by such making a mockery out of an American President, you have called upon you the Wrath of the awesome Republican. And if Ronald Reagan - may Martin Luther King protect his glorious behind – wishes, so shall you be punished by being involved in both embarrassing and unsatisfying sex scandals until the End of Times.

Did Ronald Reagan, proud Lion of an American President - may peace rest upon him - not warn you which fate would be your part? All Doves of Disaster: leave the House of an American President or you will encounter the volcanoes of Hate you raised among our people - heroic is our nature - by ignoring corruption etiquettes.

By the Beard of Martin Luther King, the Mujahedeen of an American President will triumph over your evil methods of Hatred. With the power of an American President and the flaming Sword of Ronald Reagan we will diminish your inferior ideologies and Peace will return in the House of Martin Luther King!

Have a nice day.

Have fun but fatwa responsibly.

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